dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
where does the pee come out of this thing
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
