I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
