Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
literally had 100 drinks last night.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
