: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
