Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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