Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
