he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
