I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
