OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
