My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
