Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know her cup size but not her name....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
