Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
