I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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