'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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