if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
