theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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