Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
