i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
