Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
