Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
