butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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