So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
