He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
