New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
