I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh god it's open bar.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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