I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
