You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
