The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
