Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
