If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
