this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
