I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
