Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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