Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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