I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
