Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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