I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
