is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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