yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
