Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
