Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
