david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
