I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
