what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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