There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
