you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
