I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
