Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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