it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
