I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
