Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
