A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
