Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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