So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
